Decisions
by PrincessJinx19
Summary: Summary inside.
1. With His Daddy's Hair and Eyes

**Title: Decisions**

**Paring: MerDer and other parings involved.**

**Rating:  T **

**Summary: Rebuilding relationships, and being completely opened.**

**A/N: Meredith and Derek have been married for two years. She was a first year resident when they married. George and Callie have moved in together, and Izzie used some of her money to buy a place. Christina and Burke are still together. Addison and Alex because they are HOT together and I couldn't resist. Mark is still there mostly because I love him and I don't want him to go away. There maybe some Izzie/Mark after Thursday's show I can't resist. Derek and Mark are working for on there friendship. Miranda is the same. The Chief is partly retired and preparing to give the reins over. **

**Thatcher and Meredith's relationship is rocky but there trying. Elisa is still in the home her condition has worsened.**

**Everything else will be explained after this chapter. **

_**Meredith's V/O: In life we all must make decisions. Sometimes they're for the best and sometimes well sometimes your screwed. **_

_"Meredith I really don't have time for this!" Elise Grey exclaimed as she moved around the kitchen of her home getting ready for work. _

_"But mom listen I have to go on this trip!" She exclaimed loudly, and with typical sixteen-year old excitement. _

_"Meredith will discuss this when I get home. I have several surgeries today." Elise told her daughter getting her keys and walking to the door, "Will discuss this when I get home." _

_"It's going to be to late. I have to have a check today." _

_She answered and crossed her hands over her chest, "God you don't even understand anything mom. Why can't you be like Suzy Reckers mom and stay home?" _

_"Because Suzy Reckers mom didn't go to school for twenty-one years, logged countless hours as an intern living on little to no sleep. Here's my checkbook just signed whatever you need." Elisa brushed her lips over her daughters' cheek and left. _

_Living behind a confused and hurt Meredith Grey._

Meredith gasped her body shacking from emotions. She hadn't thought about that day in years. She remembered feeling completely like her mother didn't understand and didn't care to understand. She didn't want her mom to quit she understood her job all she wanted was to at least be the first in her mothers life once.

"Meredith?" Derek's voice was husky with sleep when he opened the bathroom door and a small ray on light flashed out, "Did I wake you? I'm sorry I was trying to be quite." He joked as he slipped into her bed, "Or maybe it was this little guy?" He asked placing a hand on her belly. She smiled feeling her baby move, the baby had been a surprise for the both them. After their small intimate wedding they had. She'd found out she was having a baby. A third year resident and her life was on a roll, and she finally stopped having that felling like any moment the other shoe was going to drop on her happiness.

"I had a bad dream." She muttered blushing a little when Derek smiled and his eyes crinkled.

"Want to talk about it?" He asked kissing her neck.

"No am fine." She grinned, "I'm going to get something to drink." He wouldn't let her go as he moved up her neck and kissed her. He meant it to be a simple peck the soft sight she breathed had him deepening the kiss and moving backwards o on the bed.

"Wow!" Derek muttered, "I love you Meredith." He smiled turning over in the bed so his hand rested on nine-month pregnant tummy.

"I love you too Derek." She smiled, "I still want that drink." She whispered into the dark as Derek chuckled and moved over her to go into the kitchen.

Derek Shepherd looked over at his sleeping wife. He moved the sheet away and watched her. She was beautiful, and always had been and always would be. Her long legs crossed, and a hand rested on her belly. He didn't know what was hurting her, but when he saw her eyes were wide and haunting. He looked at the clock she had five more minutes before she had to wake up. Slowly he got out of bed and moved downstairs to the kitchen of their house. The trailer was long gone and replaced with the beautiful home that Meredith personally saw built. Six bedrooms, five and a half baths, a huge stainless steel kitchen, with a big family room that had comfy chairs that was perfect for them cuddly, two separate offices for the both of them, and a large library.

"Derek?" Meredith looked up at him and groaned slightly as she sat up.

"You have a little more time to sleep sweetheart." Derek whispered brushing her hair away as he sat down next to her on the bed.

"My wonderful McDreamy." Meredith whispered kissing him softly, "I have an appointment today. Can you make it?" She questioned softly taking his hand.

"I'll make the time." He told her kissing her belly, "I was going to make you some breakfast. Anything special?"

"Pancakes!"

"Okay I'll meet you downstairs."

Meredith groaned as she struggled to put on her flats. She would be happy when she finally sees her toes again. She didn't feel ugly or fat she felt like a goddess. A lot of that had to do with Derek and the way he looked at her and took care of her. She put a hand on her belly and smiled as she felt the baby move restless against her. In less then two weeks she would have her son in her arms.

She wondered for the millionth time since she found out she was pregnant what the baby would look like. Would he have Derek's thick hair, and killer smile? She hopped he would get all Derek's quality. His unfailing loyalty, his heart, and his brilliant mind.

"Hey pancakes are ready!" Derek exclaimed as he walked into the room. He was already dressed and looking yummy in a red sweater and a pair of jeans.

"I can't put on my shoes." She whined. Derek chuckled and moved closer, bending down to put on her shoes for her.

"Your all ready." He pulled her up and kissed her gently tasting the cinnamon from her toothpaste. And she followed him downstairs.

_"Mere?" Christina Yang called loudly and clapped her hands in front of her. _

_"Christina!" Meredith shook her head out of the daze she was currently in. _

_"What's wrong?" She looked worriedly and sat down beside her on the bench in the locker room, "I've been calling you for the last five minutes." _

_"I might be pregnant." Meredith's statement was flat and her face held no emotions. _

_"Pregnant?" Christina asked, "Wait what do you mean you think?" _

_"I took one of those home pregnancy test and it came back negative. I just feel something." She finished off lamely, "Derek is going to kill me. We just started construction on the house. We were supposed to wait a few years." _

_"Calm down Mere!" Christina ordered, "We go upstairs have Izzie give you a blood test and will know." She reasoned calmly. _

_"No!" Meredith yelled, "I can't possible have it. You think that lab work that goes though with the name Meredith Shepherd is just going to be ignored." She groaned, "Derek will find out for sure and if I am I want telling him to romantic." _

_"Okay so we go somewhere else. Mercy West?" _

_"Alright." Meredith smiled feeling better then she had in days. _

_"So what are you and Christina going to do with your day off?" Derek asked as he moved around the kitchen. He had a surgery in a few hours. _

_"I don't know. Maybe I'll take your credit card for a spin and start decorating the house!" She giggled at his shock expression, "Or maybe will seat around and relax." _

_"I like the last idea better." _

_"I do to." She smiled kissing him, "Know go save some lives." He nodded kissing her hair as he left, "Wait Derek." She ran after him, "I love you." She whispered before kissing deeply. _

_"I love you to Mere." He told her and noticing her face he sighed, "What's wrong?" _

_"Nothing. I just...am just...nothing." She put on a bright happy smile and kissed him again, "I'll see you later." _

_"Mrs. Shepherd?" The nurse called out. _

_"Here." Meredith chirped as she sat up taking Christina hand and squeezing it tightly. _

_"Follow me please." She followed her to the end of the hallway and a small room. It was decorated in a flowery wallpaper and yellow pane, "The doctor will be here soon." _

_"I hate this room." Christina groaned, as she looked around, "I think am going to be sick." _

_"Thinks for doing this." Meredith smiled as she looked at her, "Izzie would have told for sure, George would be no help at all, and Alex is so wrapped up in Addison."_

_"No problem." _

_"Ms. Shepherd?" The doctor entered the room moments later, "I'm Dr. Bridget Rowlens, so you're here for a pregnancy test?" _

_"Yes." _

_"Well lets get started." She told handing her a cup. _

_"Meredith you are pregnant." The doctor told her, "Congratulations." _

_"Thanks. Lets go Christina." _

_"You need to schedule another appointment, and a prescription for pre-natal vitamins." _

_"I have a doctor." Meredith said leaving the office. _

_"So?" Christina asked as they entered the elevator._

_"I'm pregnant." She said but a small smile played on her face, "Oh my God." She placed a hand on her stomach, "There's a person growing in there." _

_"That's usually what pregnant means." Christina returned dryly. _

_"I can't believe that a person can actually go in there." Meredith said in wonder. _

_"Your patients will love that." _

_"I just wow." She sighed again, "Thanks for doing this. Seriously!" _

_"It's fine." _

_"A home cook meal?" Derek sniffed as he entered the room, "This is exciting." He smiled and kissed his wife. _

_"Don't read to much into it. I felt like cooking so I did." She laughed as he wrapped his arms around her. _

_"You had fun today?" He asked. _

_"Yes. It's good to get away from the hospital. Maybe we could schedule sometime to see your family." _

_"I'm sure they'll like that. I missed you today." He pulled her closer and nuzzled her neck. Meredith resisted the urge to moan at his touch she needed to think. Her mind had to be clear when she told him._

_"Derek you need to seat down before I burn dinner." _

_"We can order pizza." He decided turning her away from chopping the vegetables and lifting her onto the counter. _

_"Derek please just seat?" She begged looking him in the eyes. She loved his eyes the expressions he gave and this one was bout as worried as he could get. He held up his hand in a surrender gesture. _

_"Mere sweetheart just tell me." Derek begged after dinner was over and the things were cleaned. _

_"I was thinking we could maybe go see your parents this weekend. Of course we can wait until Christmas. The house will be finished by then right? I always wanted a big Christmas in my very own home." _

_"Mere?" He questioned her and the look hurt her. She knew what had to be done. She got up from the table and moved around. She needed to walk and she needed to..._

_"Oh God!" She screamed running to the bathroom in the hall. She heard Derek's hurried steps behind her and groaned. _

_"Mere? That's it am taking you to the hospital. You've been acting weird and know your sick." _

_"No Derek!" She grabbed his hand preventing him from leaving, "I'm not sick. I'm pregnant!" She exclaimed. _

_"A baby?" Derek sat down slowly. A big goofy smile on his face, "Your pregnant?" _

_"Yes." She looked at him a smile on her face as while._

_"Oh wow!" He said gathering her in his arms. He kissed her hair, "I love you so much Meredith." He picked her up and carried her upstairs. _

Meredith smiled as she always did at the memory. She was flat on her back as she prepared to be examined. Her do date was in two weeks. Which meant her appointments were closer together.

"How are you doing today Mere?" Izzie gave her smile.

"Good! The baby is being active today." She groaned a little, "How are you today. Anything exciting? Derek won't tell me anything."

"No nothing!" Izzie chirped as she prepared the 3D sonogram.

"Find I swear. The second I pop this baby out I'm going to make sure Derek's on dirty diaper duty."

"A plan." Izzie giggled, "Lay back Mere. Let's take a look at McDreamy Jr." Meredith hissed quietly as the cool gel hit her stomach. The camera went over her and she turned to watch her baby appear on screen. He was laying flat and a thumb was in his mouth, "He looks very good. The heartbeat is strong. Everything is looking good." Izzie responded as she cleaned the gel off, "So when is Derek's mom going to arrive?"

"A couple of days." Meredith laughed, "It should be fun. With my mom and everything. It's going to be nice having someone there."

"Of course." Meredith grinned again remembering when they told Derek's parents she was pregnant.

_"You call!" Meredith hissed as she gave Derek the phone, "She doesn't hate you." _

_"She doesn't hate you either. Trust me!" But he dialed the familiar numbers to his childhood home. _

_"Shepherd residence!" He heard the chirp of his five-year old niece. _

_"Hi Chloe it's Uncle Derek. Give the phone to Grandma or Grandpa please." He could hear the shuffle and Chloe yelling though the house that Uncle Derek was on found. He could even hear the familiar sounds of a full house. The excitement grew in his heart that his son or daughter was going to full up their house with noise. _

_"Derek?" His father James Shepherd questioned as he took the phone, "What do we owe the pleasure." _

_"Is mom there also? I want to tell you both." _

_"Yes hold on." He could hear his father in the background, "Susan honey its' Derek." He yelled, "Says he wants to talk to both of us." _

_"Derek its' mom. What is it? We have a full house today." _

_"I can hear. It's Meredith and I." He paused and smiled at her worried look as she bit her lip, "Were going to have a baby." It was quite. But he could hear his mother's sharp intakes of breath and his father's deep chuckles. _

_"Congratulations my boy. How is the expecting mother?" _

_"She's doing well dad. She's really happy about this. She has this amazing glow about." _

_"Oh Derek. Let me talk to her." His mother begged. Derek handed her the phone. _

_"Hello Susan, James." _

_"Oh my darling." Susan gushed, "A baby finally. I swear with Derek saving lives I never thought we'd get grandchildren out of him. I'm so happy for you both. How are you feeling really?" _

_"Really well. The morning sickness isn't bad at all. I was told to wait and see." _

_"I'm so happy. I can come out there anytime you want. My mother-in-law was so pushy with me. So if at anytime you can tell me to shut up, but oh am so excited." _

_"No it's fine." Meredith hurried, "With my mother sick and everything I'd welcome the help." _

_"Just the name the time darling." _

_"Yes Meredith just name the time." _

_"Thank you both." _

_"It's fine. We'll talk to you later." _

_"Bye." _

_"That was nice of you. She'll like that. All her other grandchildren she was there from the start. She'll probably want to stay the full nine months." _

_"That's fine." Meredith sighed, "I like having a big family." Meredith went closer and snuggled into his arms, "I can't wait until his born." _

_"He?" _

_"Maybe?" With his daddy hair and eyes." _

**A/N: This is my first GA fanfic. But I've watched the show from the start and am hook. I even got the rest of my family hook. This season and last has been centered on being a working mother. This story is about what Meredith's decision will be when she has a little one. Will she follow in her mother's footsteps or not? **

**By the way the first names of Derek's siblings, etc. have yet to mention so any suggests will be nice. **

**Please Read and Review! Constructive Comments will be read and considered. **

**Thank You. **♥


	2. Will Be Okay

** Chapter Two**

**A/N: I just realized that named Derek's mom Susan, and Meredith's step-mom is also Susan. I'm pretty sure that Susan G will not be a huge part of the story, but anyway I've decided to rename her Rachel. Anyway thanks for the reviews you guys are the best. By the way thanks for the Cristina spelling I had it like that but my spell check changed it. Meredith did take a pregnancy test the reason for the cup.  
By the way I've never given birth before with that being said I've decided to exclude the actually birth. I will like to welcome Noah Parker Shepherd into the world.**

**Meredith's V/O: Noah Parker Shepherd, six pounds seven ounces, born at 8:54 pm on November 22, 2008 was one of Settle Graces premier patients. The nurses on call had to force the many visitors from letting mother and son rest. He already had the nickname McDreamy Jr. He was already winning over the nursery staff. **

"Maybe am biased but you are the cutest baby in the world." Meredith sighed kissing the top of his head. A small tuff of black already growing. He gave her a smile and his big green eyes sparkled, "Oh your going to break hearts."

"Hey." She looks up at Derek as he enters the room. It's after hours but he must have snuck though the nurses. His wearing his scrubs and he looks tired but his eyes are filled with happiness.

"You should rest." Meredith say's once he sat down on the bed.

"I wanted to see my family." He smiles putting his arm around her shoulder, and one hand stroking Noah's cheek. His tiny hand reaching up to hold Derek's pinkie close, "I love you Meredith." He kissed her lightly.

"I love you too Derek." She sighs, "This feel's so perfect."

"I was thinking." Derek looked at her and then the baby his eye's starting in amazement, "After Noah gets a little bigger we can go back to that hotel in Miami."

"Ah back to the scene of the crime." She looked down at Noah and giggled.

_Derek sat back on the beach. It was good to finally relax the last day had been exhausting. The medical conference where he was a key speaker on the ever-changing world of brain surgery. He had to leave late tonight if he was going to be back in Settle on their anniversary.  
_

_ "Dr. Shepherd?" He looked up and shields his eyes from the blazing sun, "There's a woman looking for you."  
_

_ "A woman?" Derek groaned he really didn't want to have to deal with this.  
_

_ "Yes she's at the bar." The gentleman said and pointed to the bar, and a woman. She was wearing a tiny pink bikini that had several men looking at her. But she seemed oblivious to the stares and begun to drink her fruity drink.  
_

_ "Thanks." Derek grinned. He recognized that back, and those perfect legs.  
_

_ "She's really hot." Derek looked up at the man in front of him, "I bet she'll be wild in bed."  
_

_ "She's my wife." Derek said and watched as the man held up his hand and walked away.  
_

_ "You're a lucky man."_

_"Excuse me," She turned around and smiled at him. He felt his heart beat go faster and fell a little more in love with her.  
_

_ "Hi." Her breath caught a little in her throat, "I missed you." Meredith came closer wrapping her arms around his neck and his hands were around her waist and pulled her closer.  
_

_ "You look really hot." He whispered in her ear and she shivered a little.  
_

_ "Thanks." She grinned, "I'm really tired. I think we should go upstairs to your room."  
_

_ "Oh yeah me to."_

_Meredith looked down at her husband. He was sleeping on his stomach a contented smile on his face. They were still in the honeymoon part of there marriage, even after nearly two years.  
_

_ "Happy anniversary Derek." She smiled as she looked at the bedside clock that blinked 12:00 am.  
_

_ "Happy anniversary." Derek returned one eye open.  
_

_ "I like this place." Meredith moved closer into his arms, "We should come back."  
_

_ "It's quite." Derek returned, "Not like the nut house we seem to be running."  
_

_ "I always wanted noise growing up."  
_

_ "You try not being able to use the bathroom. With older sisters taking up the bathroom."  
_

_ "What about us making are own noise?" She asked him moving onto her back. She didn't want to rush anything.  
_

_ "What I thought we just did." He looked down at her with a smirk and kissed her gently.  
_

_ "I meant kids. I want to have some." Derek looked down in awe.  
_

_ "I want kids to Mere."  
_

_ "Okay."  
_

_ "Okay."_

"That was a good weekend." Meredith sighed handing the baby over to his father.

"I can't believe this real." Derek confessed, "His finally here. My parents said there preparing the nursery. We didn't really have enough time to put everything out."

"I'm glad there here."

"Me too. You think they never had grandchildren before with all the going on they've been doing."

"You are there only son. The family name can be continued and all that."

"Ah the infamous Grey-Shepherd family name?"

"Yes." Meredith laughed softly closing her eyes and in minutes when Derek looked back she was fast asleep.

Izzie Stevens had no idea what she was doing. That wasn't exactly true she knew exactly what she was doing. She must be suffering from craziness or something. She was about to enter the hotel room of the man that nearly destroyed the happy relationships of her friends. There was something beyond his cocky attitude that had her drawn to him. Then again she did have a thing for bad boys, after all she got knocked up at sixteen to the resident bad boy of her trailer park, and there was the hockey player, Alex, and then in some ways Denny was of course in a way a bad boy. This attraction she felt was different then everything else she ever felt before.

"Are you going stand out there all night Stevens?" Mark Sloane's husky voice shivered though her body.

"No I was just." She sighed and entered the room, "I don't know what I was thinking."

"I like you better when you don't think."

"I'm sure you do. Seriously I don't know what I was thinking. I'm going home."

"And do what?" Mark closed the door and placed his hands on either side of her head enclosing her in, "Will have so much more fun together."

Izzie was racked with guilt the morning as she got dressed while guilt, and satisfaction. A lot could be said about Mark Sloane but he was wonderful lover. She sighed as she entered Meredith's hospital room and smiled at the sight of Meredith holding the baby close.

"Look at you." Izzie said, "You look like a naturally."

"Well it's not hard with this face." Meredith looked up at Izzie's face and placed the baby in the cot, "You're looking all glow Izzie. You feed the beast!" Meredith exclaimed.

"I did not! Seriously Meredith where do you get your ideas?"

"Seriously you're going to need to come up with something else."

"Okay I had sex with Sloane." Izzie exclaimed and Meredith looked up in stunned silence.

"Oh!" Meredith shuffled quickly moving over in the bed and making room for Izzie, "Tell me everything."

"I don't know. Were working on this case together, a young mother, half her body burned, and I just saw this other side of him."

"The first time it happened was last night." Izzie groaned, "Seriously am very screwed up."

"No your not. You just feed the beast and know that you worked that off then you can..."

"Do it over again as soon as possible?" Izzie questioned and at Meredith's look she continued, "I'm serious Mere. His good really good, and I just..." She sighed again, "I'm going to get hurt again."

"No not really. You and Sloane will work out I promise."

"I don't know." She said after a moment, "Anyway I need to examine you so you and little Noah can go home."

"Give me that baby." Rachel Shepherd exclaimed as Meredith and Derek entered there home a few hours later, "Come to nana sweetheart." She kissed his forehead, "Meredith you must be exhausted dear come seat down."

"No Rachel I'm really alright." She said but sat down anyway.

"Do you need anything? I know hospital food and everything, or maybe a bath?"

"I could eat."

"Good. Go upstairs my dear and I will bring you a meal. Derek help your wife upstairs."

"Yes ma'am." He said taking her elbow and leading her upstairs.

"I like having your mom here. You're so much nicer to me."

"Yeah well you have yet to see her angry. I still have nightmares from childhood."

"I still can't wait to be able to have that kind of power. I'm a mother a Derek."

"And I'm a father."

"Were going to be good at this?"

"Exactly."

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my big sisters b-day today. So Happy Birthday sweetie. 143.**


	3. Being a Mommy

**Chapter Three**

**A/N: Here's a new chapter! I hope you enjoy it. **

"Come on little man I know you don't want to lay down but you have to." She placed him on her shoulder and a hand on his back and rubbed it gently, "If your up when Daddy gets' home then he won't be able to make mommy happy, and if mommy isn't happy then." She looked down and then sighed at his eyes closing. He was fighting sleep she could tell.

"Okay you've forced me to do something I promised I would never do." She held the baby closer to her chest and moved to the rocker that Rachel had given her, "Okay." She cleared her throat and started humming, _"Roc a bye baby..." _She stopped a moment, "Goodness what a horrible song. I might as while play something really graphic. Oh how do you like that you fall asleep right while mommy is talking." She moved quietly and gently placed him in his crib. She pulled up one of the blankets that Izzie had made, and turned on nearby light.

"Goodnight angel."

Meredith went to her bedroom and to the clothes she had pulled out before she put Noah to sleep. She wanted to wash before Derek came home. She turned on the shower and quickly got ready. Going down stairs after she washed she saw the familiar wedding book on the coffee table and flipped it open. The first picture was taking just day's after there engagement. They kept it a secret for just a few days to get used to the idea. It happened as a surprise on the ferryboats that Derek loved so much.

_"Dance with me?" Derek whispered in her ear as he warped an arm around her waist from behind. _

_"You don't dance Derek." She told him. Her arms locked around her neck and held her closer. He kissed her lightly, and smiled. They were oblivious of the looks they were getting. They weren't moving just sort-of swaying with there on beat. _

_"Marry me?" He asked her. He felt her stiffen in his hold, "Don't do that Meredith." He whispered, "Listen to me. I love you and you love me, and I can't see my future without you." _

_"Oh Derek. Seriously?" _

_"Seriously." He finished, "I've been carrying this around for weeks deciding waiting for the perfect moment." He pulled out a familiar velvet ring box. The diamond shine and winked back at her once he opened it. _

_"Yes Derek of course I'll marry you." _

_"I love you." He kissed her again. _

"Meredith?" She jumped and nearly screamed at the familiar voice, "You looked a million miles away."

"Sorry." She smiled and held his hand, "I was thinking. Your home Derek." She gave him a smile, "Hmm I missed you." She wrapped her arms around his neck, "The baby is asleep but who knows how long that will last? I ordered some take out."

"That sounds wonderful." He gave her a smile and kissed her lightly, "Were are my parents?" Derek asked noticing how quite it was suddenly.

"Oh they went out to dinner with my dad and Susan." Meredith answered.

"Okay." He pulled out her chair and seating her down and pulled out the chair next to her. The food was from a familiar Chinese restaurant they used to visit, "I'm starving. I didn't get to have any lunch today. With my best resident out on maternity leave." He grumbled at her.

"Well because you called me your 'best resident' I'll let the rest slide."

"How was Noah today?"

"He was a very good boy." Meredith answered, "Your mother and I have a contest on who will get to him quickest when he cries. Seriously I think the kid my develop a complex."

"He has a great mom. I'm sure it won't be to serve."

"Hmm. This great mom would really like some quality time with her husband before are house is alive again."

Cristina Yang sat cross legged on the floor of her best friends home with wrapping paper surroundings them. Noah was in his playpen looking at the two of them with excitement.

"Burke asked me to marry him." Cristina said flatly. She would have laughed at Meredith's expression as her head popped up.

"Seriously?" She laughed and curled over to seat right in front of her, "You said yes. You have to say yes."

"Of course I said yes. I have no idea how were going to have a wedding."

"Oh Cristina don't worry. Oh I can't believe this." She though her arms around Cristina and felt her stiffens, "I'm so happy for you."

"You're hugging me." Cristina said trying to be free, "I don't like to be hugged."

"Okay." Meredith let go and went over to Noah, "Auntie Cristina is getting married." The baby laughed and gave his mother and aunt a smile.

As Christmas day arrived there once quite home had exploded with family. From Derek's sisters and their families. Meredith's friends were over at the house whenever they weren't putting in as many hours as possible so they wouldn't have to work on Christmas.

"What an amazing house Meredith." Derek's sister Joan said as they finished their tour.

"Thank you. I have to admit most of this is Derek." She said.

"This is Derek's dream home. I can see your little touches everywhere." Mallory added.

"Oh Meredith this is the sweetest baby." Nancy held Noah close.

"I want to hold him next." Kathleen moved over to her sister moving to get the baby, "His got Derek's look. His going to be a heartbreaker." The three other sisters walking down the hall with the baby. Leaving Meredith and Nancy alone.

"Wait Meredith." Nancy took her arm before she left.

"Yes."

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

"You've made Derek really happy. My brother is a really great guy, and idiot sometimes, but his a good guy. You've given him everything he could have asked for."

"Thank you Nancy." Meredith smile was a little wobbly as she was fighting back tears.

By the time Meredith returned back downstairs to the kitchen her family was waiting. She always wanted the full house, and it was interesting to watch her friends interact with Derek's family. They were all hers. She walked behind Derek and placed her arms around his waist and kissed his neck.

"Hey." Derek whispered before turning around and placing his arms around her.

"This is wonderful thank you."

"Your welcome." He kissed her hair, "Although I don't know why."

"It's okay." She moved out of his embrace.

The next morning Derek and Meredith woke up to his youngest nephew and niece running around the house announcing that Santa had arrived. Groaning they both got ready quickly and prepared the baby to go downstairs. The little kids were in front of the tree looking at the gifts with wide-eyed excitement.

"Auntie Mere look at all these gifts." Cody is the youngest of the bunch.

"I know Cody. Santa really outdid himself." She sat down on the floor next to them, "Where's everyone?" She questioned the other kids gathered.

"They're coming know. If the brats over there didn't feel the need to wake everyone up." Veronica the oldest at sixteen added.

"I remember a time when you did the same thing Veronica." Derek added.

"That was like ages ago Uncle Derek." Veronica sat down in a huff in obvious teenager rebellion.

"Okay were ready." Rachel told them as she was followed by her other children.

The family room was a mess filled with Christmas presents, and wrapping paper. She was not looking forward to cleaning it up. After seeing the excited looks of the people around her it was worth it.

Two weeks after Christmas Meredith and Noah were in the park. She was alone in the house for the first time since the baby was born. She needed to be surrounded by people again.

"Meredith?" She looked up shocked as she saw Chloe Vornoe a woman she met during her Lamaze classes.

"Chloe." She smiled after the woman sat down next to her.

"Oh he's gorgeous. What's his name?" She asked.

"Noah, and your daughter?"

"Bridgett." She laughed, "Isn't it amazing having a baby?" Chloe asked.

"It really is. He does something new everyday. I don't know how am going to be able to leave him in daycare during the day."

"Oh you're going back to work?"

"Yes. I'm a doctor that's my job."

"Naturally but your baby's first three years only happens once. Before you know it there leaving for college." Chloe looked down at her daughter who was moving around as if she was going to cry her heart out, "I better head home. It was great seeing you again. We should really get together some time."

Chloe gathered her purse and her baby and left. Leaving Meredith alone with her thoughts. _Was she doing the right thing? Was going back to work the right thing to do? Didn't she want to be different then her parents? _Shacking her head she looked down at Noah who had fallen asleep in his stroller and got up. She didn't know were she was going but she had to think she had to figure this out.

"Meredith?" Meredith looked up shocked as she looked at her old boss Miranda Bailey walked closer to her.

"Miranda I didn't see you there."

"I can tell. What are you doing out here? Lets go inside before that baby gets sick." Miranda ushered her inside the office. They walked into the on-call rooms and she sat her down, "You look upset."

"How did you know?" At the look of confusion Miranda had her adding, "To go back to work after Tuck was born."

"I worked hard to get were I am today. I love my son but I knew in the long run it would be better for him if I were at work. It's about balance and knowing what's important." Miranda turned to look at her, "Your having second's thoughts about working?"

"A little. I didn't think about it before. I ran into his lady from my childbirth class, and she just had me thanking. My mom worked all the time and I rarely got to see her. I used to promise myself that I wouldn't be like that with my kids."

Miranda hated getting involved with her co-workers business, but she knew that this was crisis.

"Your not your mother Meredith." Miranda told her, "You understand the importance's of being there. Besides you have people here who won't let you overwork yourself." At that moment Noah started fussing, "Hi Noah." Miranda said picking up the infant, and he instantly settled down.

"He never does that for me!" Meredith looked up amazed.

"He will. You'll develop your own style, and pretty soon a dirty diaper won't even bother you."

"Thanks Miranda."

_Meredith entered the familiar room of her mom. She was told that this wasn't a good day at all. She was slowly getting worse, and the doctors were telling that she didn't have a lot of time left. _

_"Mom?" Meredith settled in the chair across from her. She took her hand in hers. Just days' before Derek had asked her to marry him, and she wanted to feel like a regular girl telling her mother that she was getting married, "I'm getting married! Derek proposed to me." She felt tears filling her eyes as she looked at her mother's blank expression, "I love you mommy." She led her head on her lap. _

_"Meredith?" She looked up at her mother with wide eyes. _

_"Yes mom it's me." _

_"Were am I? I want to go home? Please take me home?" She looked worried and small and vulnerable. Something she never saw her mother as anything but calm and collected. _

_"Mom you have to stay here." Meredith told her, "It's okay. I'm a phone call away mom." _

_"I don't like it here." Her eyes were wide with fear, "I don't want to stay." She stood up and made her way to the window. In the next instant she stood and was going to make a run for it. _

_"Mom stop!" Meredith yelled getting the attention of the nurse that was outside._

_"Dr. Grey you have to stay here." She said sternly taking the woman by her arms and leading her to her bed. With her free hand she pressed the call button and suddenly a team appeared at her mothers door, "Meredith I think you should go." _

_"I love you mom." She nodded her head in agreement, and got to leave. _

_Two weeks later she would receive the call that her mother was gone. _

_**A/N: I know it may seem like Meredith has come to terms with her decision rather quickly. Never fear she will have some doubts still. Please read and review and tell me if you like this chapter. **_


	4. Bye

**Chapter Four**

It was a few days after her meltdown. She was feeling a little better about her decision. She wanted to work and she wouldn't be like her mother. She needed to get her life back together. Going back to her old house seemed like a good idea to start. She wasn't ready to sell it or anything. They could rent it out to other interns it was close to the hospital. Or they could just keep it for the two of them. Either way it was time to clean house. Several of the larger pieces had found themselves in their new house. Some things she'd given them to Izzie or George. Mostly the house remained the same.

"Were do you want to start?" Izzie asked coming up behind her. She had a bucket and a mop and she was ready to clean.

"From the top up. The attic has everything in it."

"Okay. You and Derek can work on the attic. George and I will take this floor, Callie can watch the baby, and then we can all take the third floor."

"Great."

Izzie, George, Derek and Callie had offered to help her clean out her mother's house. They were the only ones who had the day off.

"I never knew your mother was such a packrat." Derek joked as he opened up a box of old baby toys, "Noah would love this." He held up a worn stuff teddy bear.

"Bubbles!" Meredith exclaimed and took the bear out of Derek's hand, "My best friend when I was little. He always kept my secrets, and he always had time for me." She sighed and hugged him tighter.

"He looks like he was a very good friend."

"He was. I don't think Noah's ready for him yet."

"Maybe Noah's mom just isn't ready to let go."

"No I will I just." She cut herself off and put the bear in the bag she had been carrying. She chose to ignore the laughter coming from Derek.

"What's this?" She looked at a black steel box that was behind several boxes, and there was key taped on top, "Why would someone hide a steel box and put a key on top of it?" She asked.

"I guess it wasn't much of a secret box then." Derek added coming closer to her, "Do you want to open it?"

"It seems wrong. What if it's something personal?"

"If you don't open it you're going to be worrying about it all tonight. If you see something personal will close it back okay?"

"Yeah okay." She tour off the key and inserted it into the lock. Once she pulled it open there were a papers inside. On the top one had _Meredith _written in her mother's prefect handwriting, "It's for me." She said softly.

"Maybe you should go into on of the bedrooms to read whatever it is."

"Alright." She nodded her head in agreement and then slowly got up. As she moved downstairs and into the bedroom that used to be her mothers she noticed Callie and Noah seating on the bed. Callie was playing hand games with him and Noah appeared to be having the greatest time.

"Meredith?" Callie looked up in surprise, "He's fine." She answered said again.

"Oh no I know." Meredith added, "I just found some things upstairs that I want to look though."

"Oh well we can fine another room."

"Leave Noah. I may need the distraction."

"Okay." Callie said walking passed her, and gently touching her arm on the way out.

_Dear Meredith, _

_By the time you read this letter I have already been diagnosis. It's made me really seat down and reflect on my life. The things I've done and the things I would have done differently. Maybe if I had to do it over again I wouldn't have cheated on my husband, and I wouldn't have let pride get in the way of the things I wanted. Or maybe I would have done the exact same thing again. We can't get a do over. That's the most important thing I've learned as a surgeon. You only get one chance to make it perfect. Did I ever tell you I was pride of you? I am so pride of you. You've gotten into a hard program and graduated top of your class. You grew-up to be everything I wanted to be, and nothing I could be. You have a compassion for the job and a way to take yourself away from it. I was never able to do that. I love Meredith despite everything that has ever happened. I never regretted having you or the joy you bought to my life. I wish that I could have been a better mother to you. I know that in the future when you have your kids you won't make the same mistakes as I did, and that your children will now all the love and happiness this life has to offer it. Take care Meredith. I've lived a full life despite my regrets. Remember to experience life to it's fullest something amazing is always right around the corner. _

_Love,_

_Mom_

Meredith brushed away the tears and put the letter down beside her. She looked though the rest of the box, and it was filled with baby pictures of her and her mom, and others were of her as she grew up. Some of them she didn't remember happening and others she had to smile at. There was a picture when they were leaving in New York and her mom worked at the UN. She had taking the day off and had taken Meredith out to see the city. She remembered going shopping and later to the Statue of Liberty. It had been the best day of her life. Further though the pictures she saw herself as the moody teen. Her time was filled with her friends and whatever boyfriend she was with at the time. She sighed and then jumped as she felt Derek's arms on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" She nodded.

"I'm fine. It's just some pictures from when I was younger." She told him, "My mom left me a letter before she got any worse."

"Oh." He picked up the picture she had just put down, "You were a cute teenager." Derek told her.

"What would you do if I told you I didn't work at the hospital anymore?" She asked him when he sat down next to her. Taking Noah in his arms so the infant wouldn't put one of the pictures in his mouth.

"It would be your chose." He said simply, "Are you thinking about it?"

"I was." She said honestly, "I thought that maybe it would be best. All my life that was all I wanted for my mom to notice me. Not to just dump me with a nanny or leave me at the daycare at the hospital. I always wanted things to be different." He nodded for her to continue, "Then I realize I would be making a mistake. I had to make a choice and I don't think I would be happy staying at home. Lets face it am a horrible cleaner and I suck at cooking. I think that I can be a better mom this way. I don't know if this is the right decision but I can only be the best mom I can be."

"You're doing a great job as it is Meredith. Noah is going to love you no matter what you do. If there is ever a time when you just need a break. Tell me and we'll go wherever you want us to. Were a family know sweetheart. Were going to be fine." He kissed her temple and she put her head on his shoulder. Everything was going to be good.

The day before Meredith went back to work she took Noah down to the gravesite of her mother. He was snuggled in his carrier and looking up at his mother in wonder.

_Dr. Ellis Grey_

_1944-2007 _

_Beloved mother, Gifted Surgeon_

"Hi mom." Meredith whisper squatting down in front of the stone, "This is Noah your grandson. He's a few months old know. He's so amazing and I tell him story about you all the time. I wish you were here. I wish you were here to give me advice. I can hear you sometimes and I know your looking out for me. I'm going back to work again tomorrow. So it's going to be hectic, but I'll be by as much as possible. I love you mom. I hope wherever you are that you're happy." She pressed a kiss on her hand and put her hand on the stone. Getting up she smiled and stepped back. Derek was took her hand as she walked back to the car.

"Your good."

"Yeah I finally understand it." Meredith sighed as she put the baby in his car seat. His cheeks were read from the cold but he had a smile on his face, "She did what she thought was best. That's all any parent can do."

"Amazing clarity growing up can give you?"

"I guess." She sighed again and put her arms around his neck as he pressed her against her door, "When we have a daughter I want to name her Ellis."

"That's a perfect name." He kissed her lightly and pushed away opening up her door, "I love you Meredith."

"I love you Derek."

**A/N: **The End. I like how it ended. Meredith got the clarity she needed about her mom. She's finally let go of the daddy issues when she married Derek. Know since she's a mom she's letting go her mommy issues as while.

I hope you like please Read and Review.

Look out for my next story a one-shot called _Christmas With the Shepherds. _This is Derek introducing Meredith to his family. It should be fun.


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